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Nat vs. Rose, 2018 |
Subject of image:
The subject of this image is me how I want to be and what I believe is preventing me from being that way, particularly in terms of gender identity and expression.
Content of image:
The image shows a painting of myself the way I most want to look and feel, surrounded by roses, which I have a complicated relationship with and signify different aspects of myself, as well as symbolize the environment that I feel is unhelpful to my identity.
Why did I make the choices that led to my composition:
I chose to mix the media of collage and painting in order to bring out a contrast between the two parts of the image. I was originally going to draw and cut out roses as well as cut out photographs, but decided to use only photographs because they would contrast better with the painting. In addition, I chose to paint myself rather than draw or collage because acrylic paint is bold, opaque, and layerable, which allowed me to create an image that stands out against the background and correct my mistakes easily.
What image conveys to viewers:
The viewer probably does not see the conflict between myself and the roses, since I did not create much conflict, disturbance, or negative imagery. However, I did not mean for it to appear as a conflict so much as a relationship in which we are always in close proximity, which I think I successfully conveyed by keeping the images directly on top of each other and even overlapping them.
What artists have influenced this portrait:
I did not have a particular artist in mind when I started this piece, but as I worked on it I let one of Wangechi Mutu’s ideas influence a certain aspect of it. I had not originally intended to surround myself entirely in roses, and wanted to include a variety of symbols. However, I realized that the roses could be used to symbolize everything I wanted to convey. This is similar to how Mutu uses birds in her animation “The End of Eating Everything”. The only thing she shows being eaten are birds, thus the birds symbolize everything, and can be interpreted to symbolize many more specific concepts.
Techniques used:
I used a combination of collage and painting to create this self portrait. I started by gathering pictures of roses and gluing them to my cardboard base to form the background of the piece. I had originally traced an outline of my head and torso on to the cardboard to provide a rough guideline for where I would paint myself, and glued roses up to the edge of this outline. I then used acrylic paint to fill in the outline and add details such as hair, a shirt, and facial features.
Why and how it represents me:
The painting of myself shows the way I wish to appear and feel. I drew myself with longer hair, which I prefer, and a shirt that shows the style of clothing I like to wear. I made my features appear a bit stronger and more masculine, as I wish they did, because I am nonbinary and don't identity as a man or a woman, but people constantly judge me for looking feminine. I made myself smiling to show the happiness and confidence I hope to have. The roses in the background represent several factors that I feel prevent my ideal presentation to the world. Flowers are a traditionally feminine symbol. They are interpreted by many, like most plant life, to represent the reproductive system and fertility. Because of this, they represent the female biology I was born with that often causes me to be misjudged. Flowers are also often gendered as “girly” although flowers don't have a gender. This expresses the things I like that I am afraid to admit I like because people think they are “girly”. Flowers are one of these things. Wearing my hair long is another. I chose roses specifically because my middle name is Rose, and this is the source of mixed feelings for me. On one hand, I dislike this middle name because it is only used as a girl’s name and contributes to my being judged as feminine. On the other hand, I like roses and from a non-gender-influenced standpoint I like my middle name.
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